I grew up my entire life without a father figure, maybe this was the reason I didn’t see warnings or signs of mistreatment from other male influences and interactions later on in my life. I lived with my mother, we were always always close, we talked about anything and everything and she somehow made every situation better.
I had a boyfriend after school, he was very sweet and very charming to start, but I learned things about him that I never wanted to see. He turned out to be controlling, forceful and violent.
I suffered a lot of sexual assaults with him, that had consequences I never ever want to re live and because of these incidents I started to hear voices, see things that didn’t exist, and have psychotic episodes, often ending in violence to myself or to others.
However, that was put to the back of my worries as when I was 16 mum was diagnosed with cancer. The journey she took seemed like it was never ending, she beat it multiple times, but it always came back, and eventually spread to the point of being terminal.
Mum being mum of course had a plan, although she was terrified she acted strong in front of me. But I saw straight through it. I was with her 24hrs of everyday. I brought her things, spoke to her, laughed with her and altogether tried to make the best out of the worst situation. A year later, three weeks before Christmas she got to a point where she was incapable of walking, eating and even breathing on her own. Tubes and wires from everywhere. Although I knew what was happening I never believed it.
Before I knew it she was gone. For her last 72 hours I was by her side. She took her last breaths whilst I was telling her about the times we talked about the silliest things. I never had a relationship like the one with her. I don’t think I ever could.
I became pregnant after the events with my ex. I never told him or my mum or nobody else really. I hid it with bigger clothes. Until one day it all got too much and I broke down. Before mum died I was put into foster care, my mum arranged it as she knew her fate. So I moved in with my foster mum.
The most amazing person I could have asked for at that time, she understood everything and was supportive through all that life threw at me.
Mum made sure I was 100% happy before anything was set in stone.
When she died hiding my pregnancy became impossible, mentally and physically. So one day when my foster mum was home, I confessed, with tears and fear. Of course she was the best person to support me.
Being pregnant with my ex’s baby under the circumstance was extremely hard, I didn’t know how I would manage to cope with it knowing how it all went down. Throughout the pregnancy, the baby was just a movement, a feeling… a thought. Until the day she came into my life.
The day my daughter was born was the day I contacted the Julian Campbell Foundation, but it was also the day I planned to give up everything. A lot even since that day back in January 2019, more and more problems have showered down onto my life.
Julian Campbell Foundation however, just from that first hour or so I had that long conversation with them, they changed me and changed my life for the better, little did I know at the time.
They changed what I thought I was. We talked everything over, they gave me advice, not just as an organisation, but as people, as carers and as friends. To them you’re not just a person, a number or an individual. You matter, your life matters, your thoughts and feelings matter, in more than one way. You are spoken to like your the only person on earth, they will do anything in their power and more to help you. As someone who gave up and was at the lowest I could have ever of been, please trust me in saying thus, Julian Campbell Foundation saved my life, and I know they will do anything to save someone else’s too.
Thank you Chris and Jax.
Thank you Julian Campbell Foundation.
Counselling Counsellor Early-Intervention Emotional-Difficulties Stress Volunteer-Counsellor